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I was incredibly drawn to being the type of girl... no guy could RESIST. A Superpower. Given I didn't have the typical blonde hair (long legs) booby LOOK most guys went for. Actually, I was flatter than the Plaines of Abraham. LOL I decided... I'd have the ABILITY to know what each guy wanted (needed) to make him happy. I would be irresistible to ALL guys. I would be... a Magical Being. I'm not talking... Having to coax and conjure, like spells n' shit. That takes a LOT of work. And, what's not natural ALWAYS needs to remain in place (a façade, mask, spell, manipulation) in order to work. I didn't want to DO magical things I wanted to be... pure MAGIC. Then something happened in the sixth grade. I start babysitting. One day, I'm outside talking to my crew (male dominated) and the lady comes to pick me up and starts talking to my mom outside.
Lady; " EVERY time I come here there's at least fifteen boys on their bikes in front of your house talking to Nichole."
Mom; "She's gives them advice about girls and life."
I never felt odd talking to all these boys (motivational speaker) lol in front of my house. Course later that year, I did wonder if talking to a class full of guys (every day) was having an adverse effect on me. Not to mention I should of had an account. LOL I was fearless in expressing myself since I felt the things I said were TRUE. I loved the effect it HAD on the guys. They'd turn quiet and humble like. They'd smile whenever I said something they couldn't SEE. Then later after gym class, they'd carry me on their shoulders down the hall. Call themselves; The Jewish Mafia. I felt protected and I felt like a regal bitch. Then I begun to notice... Every play I'd try out for I'd be given a male ROLE. Lmfao I'd try out for the role of Lucy in Charlie Brown, get the Dog. Snoopy (male dog). I'd try out for Nancy in Oliver Twist I'd get the old man. Fagon. LOL Between old men and weird dogs a seriously a identity crisis was forming. I thought it through. I LOVE dogs! And Fagon... An old guy with a hundred boys following him. Leading lost boys... TOTALLY my thing. LOL I'm an old soul.... One thousand, three hundred and thirty seven years (at least)! Give or take a hundred years. Mom would call me Snow White. Dang! Every male characteristic type! Lmao
Hanging out with my boys. Bringing in the Gymnastic Cup. Fastest time on the swim team. Landing TV auditions and winning the Miss Dance Canada Pageant ALL led to special treatment. Insight into people... and the knack for diverting conversations using analogies (metaphors and stories) all shielded me from dangerous characters, bullies and a sexually abusive gymnastic coach. THAT'S what made me fearless! Knowing I HAD some kind of Superpower to shield me (even if I didn't know it at the time). Except! In second grade waiting by the bus stop for my mom, man in his 70's (NO teeth) with FULL exposure of his erection in his car, smiles at me. Gross. Thinking back... WISH I had a saw. LOL It's a hard feeling to shake for a girl, seeing a pink thick slimy thing stand up like a GIANT dead worm between a guy's legs. So guys... Be slow and gentle with your girl. She may have had an experience (no saw) which left an energetic aversion 'feeling' to your prized possession (while forgetting the event). Don't remind her or ASK (unless she shares). Just blanket her first, with the safety of your emotions (warmth). So she can unthaw and the coldness in her heart field melts.
There's ONE other thing that served as a protective shield for me... My LAUGH. Seriously. It scares people. LOL Since it comes from nowhere. LOL And it's LOUD. Highly contagious and can give you temporary AMNESIA YOU forget why you're upset (pissed) pain's done (for now). Really helps in relationships! LOL Great DISTRACTION. When you see life differently, you laugh at different things! Hearing someone laugh (when it's from the soul) takes YOU to a neutral emotional place, regardless of where YOU are now or what just HAPPENED. It didn't matter if I was at a party, café, private event ( taken home after a party) sleepover or clubbing. I'd always be able to bring a Guy from horn-dog... to man cuz of insight and LAUGTER. Highly effective. Temporarily, they'd forget how they usually are and mirror how I was towards MYSELF. Regal bearing bitch. LOL They'd ask to kiss my hand... I'd refuse. Get shit from my BFF thinking I'm a snob. LOL I'd be held all night by a strange guy on the couch (drunk or not) nothing happened. Or if they thought about it... They'd then CHANGE their mind. And that's something! Given... all they want to do is fuck you. It helps I suppose, that I never drank, smoked or did drugs. Even with my first MAJOR crush. Thirteen years my senior, Yugoslavian boxer doorman (at a club) named Dragon. Who I select to LOSE my virginity to! I'm at his apartment... Sitting on his coach while he's in the bath room I start to slowly unbutton my sweater. He comes back... sees me. He lifts me in his big arms, carries me to his bed. Slowly put me down... I was SO surprisingly calm, it felt like I left my body. LOL
Dragon; "I don't know what it is about YOU... I usually go after models with long legs and blonde hair. I'm so attracted to YOU."
Nichole; Thinking.... I knew it! Long legs & blonde hair. I TOLD you! (BIG smile)
Dragon; "I CAN'T touch you. You're like fresh snow... I don't want to leave my mark."
Me; Thinking... Noooo! Leave your mark goddamit! Mom!!! You cursed me with your Snow white thing! (Big tear falls)
The MOST unusual thing about being fearless and a TEENAGER. Girls didn't hate on me (once I talked to them) one on one. Even though they'd see me sit alone at the beach read my book and be like, "Will you look at that BITCH? It's like, she doesn't need ANYONE." Which I saw as a compliment. Especially since I was talking to GOD the whole time. LOL Always a target at first after, it'd be followed by befriending the most popular girl (guy) boss, producer, manager or coach... UNTOUCHABLE. In any relationship. It's kind of like... Being an advisor to The Pharaoh of Ancient Egypt. Insight was always my gateway to freedom, fulfilment and protection. If anyone tried to put a label (cliché) or structure that made me question MYSELF I'd dismiss. Like allocated funds to be used LATER to propel me forward. And DO it! Not so much to prove I can (maybe just a bit) but more to say...
MY world will not be disturbed by yours. I AM fearless and I will go after what I want. Because I WANT IT.
Some myths I had to dispel!
I'd NEVER be a cheerleader. Not tall enough (blonde enough) saw that one coming! LOL Fuck school cheerleading! I auditioned for The Toronto Argonaut Cheerleaders. Too young I put a higher number. Made it the first cut! Featured on the front PAGE of The Toronto Star newspaper OPENING game. All long, black curly hair and five foot five of me. Soon after, was offered a dance scholarship at The Les Ballet Jazz, Montreal. The only one with no formal training. And yet, the jazz teacher always put me up front to spur on the other girls. Awesome! Since my dance teacher in high school TOLD me I'd never be a dancer, I don't count the music. True. I feel it! I'd walk on to film sets on the streets of Toronto, get casted after convincing the sign-in person someone made a mistake. My name should be THERE. I did this because I was TOLD you couldn't land movie roles without an agent. But I did. One co-starring Keanu Reeves. I decided to move to Los Angeles in spite of talking to my dad.
Dad; "You can't move to L.A. You don't have a green card!"
Nichole; "Green, orange or purple! Don't worry dad, I'll get it."
NO clue what a green card was (at the time) and luckily I also didn't know what the chances ARE of getting one. LOL I just knew I was going!